"I also know", said Candide, "that we must cultivate our garden."

No nation can change until it acknowledges its past. Although there were organizations like Memory, Russia has never fully acknowledged the horrors of the Soviet era. Russia cannot move forward until it acknowledges the horrible war against Ukraine. Until this happens nothing significant will change in Russia. If this happens, it will be a wave of history that causes the change.

All this is a long way around to writing that you are wise to "cultivate your garden". You are not being a coward. Russia will not change until it is forced to do so. You will not be this force. So live our life.